Have you been participating in the 21-Day Connections Experiment? It’s an informal experiment based on the idea that having stronger family connections, including a personal understanding of your family’s history, can lead to increased resilience, unity, and self-confidence. The ultimate aim of the study is to “share the peace and joy that family connections can bring to your life.”
As a temple and family history consultant for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, I have the opportunity to help others with their family history on a regular basis. I have had numerous people share experiences they have had as they have connected with their ancestors. Through these connections, they have found courage, strength, peace, and joy. Their stories are not mine to tell, but I will share a few of my own to illustrate how this has happened for me too.
Strength in the Midst of Heartbreak
A little over 25 years ago, our 21-month old son lost a hard-fought battle with leukemia. After his passing, I was looking through a genealogy book that I had received from my parents one Christmas. As I leafed through the pages, something jumped out at me. The words “Died on the Plains” were repeated four times on the same family group sheet. As I examined the sheet further, I discovered that my great-great grandmother, Marie Jensen Bischoff, had lost not one but all four of her children within one week during a measles epidemic that swept through their camp as they were preparing to make their way by wagon from Omaha, Nebraska to Salt Lake City, Utah. In that moment, I felt a strong connection with Marie. I knew that if anyone knew how I felt, she did, and it was as if she was wrapping me in her arms and letting me know that she would stand by me through the pain of my loss. Marie’s example of moving forward in the midst of heartbreak strengthened me. My connection with her helped me feel strong when I needed it most.
Filled With Love
A few years ago, I was experiencing a great deal of anxiety over a situation that was out of my control. I remember one morning in particular. I was sick to my stomach and I couldn’t overcome the turmoil within. I decided to work on a family history project to try to distract myself. I was preparing for an upcoming trip to Monroe, New Hampshire where I knew my 3x great-grandfather Amasa Mason Lyman had grown up, first under the loving care of his grandparents Perez Mason and Martha Lois Barney, and then under the strict eye of his uncle Parley Mason. I spent some time comparing a map of Monroe that showed the Mason property with Google Maps to see if I could figure out where their farm had been. Although this project may not seem like something that would bring about a huge connection, as I worked on it, I was filled with an incredible sense of Perez Mason’s love for his posterity, including me. My anxiety dissipated, and filled with this love, I was able to move forward.
Our Family Narrative
Two Christmases ago, I decided to make an ancestor book for each of my children.
Rather than a traditional genealogy of names, dates, and life stories, I decided to ask my parents and in-laws to share with me some character traits of each of their parents and themselves, along with a story of something they had each had to overcome. As I heard stories of our progenitors overcoming things like a health challenges, financial difficulties, a disabling stutter, and paralyzing shyness, my love for and connection to each one of these people grew. Perhaps the most poignant story for me was that of my grandmother. She had lost a baby boy at birth, and later wrote a letter to her next son describing her anguish and fear as she learned she was pregnant again and the way she was able to find peace and hope. It was so tender, and a part of my grandma that I hadn’t known before.
Even more powerful was the fact that I found opportunities to share the stories with my children in person as I worked on the books. This sharing came in normal, natural settings, and they were always in context with what was going on at the time. If we know the stories of our ancestors – their character traits, what they have overcome – we can pass those stories on in moments that make sense, and they become meaningful and powerful parts of our family narrative, providing strength in our own lives and the lives of our families.
Connect in Simple Ways
These are some of the major connections I have experienced over the course of years. Connecting with our ancestors doesn’t have to happen in big ways. Making an effort to connect in simple ways is just as rewarding. For example, my 17-year old daughter has developed a love for house plants. I have shared my memories of some of the houseplants I remember my grandmothers having with her. We have purchased two “grandma plants” for her to have in her room: a Creeping Charlie like my Grandma Stevens had hanging in her kitchen window and a String of Pearls, which I remember being fascinated with at my Grandma Sanders’ house. For Mothers Day, my daughter surprised me with a start of my own Creeping Charlie that she had propagated from cuttings of the one we purchased for her. We have connected with our Grandmas and with each other in this simple way.
Another simple connection we have experienced happened a few weeks ago after my parents invited my siblings and me to write down memories of our aunts and uncles. That evening at dinnertime I asked my girls what memories they had of their aunts and uncles. As they shared their memories, feelings of warmth and fondness filled the room and we all left the table smiling.
There are so many simple ways to connect with our ancestors! The 21-Day Connections experiment website is filled with ideas to get you started. Remember, even the most simple activities can foster connection.
Surrounded by Love
Whether through profound experiences or in small, simple moments, connecting with my ancestors does bring peace and joy into my life. I recently watched Light Keepers Online: A Family History Experience for Women and I think Kirsten Wright summed this idea up for me in her presentation. She showed a circular family tree and said, “The people in the middle are surrounded by family. These people that surround us know us. They love us. It’s our job to get to know them and make that connection.” As I have worked on my family history and come to know my ancestors, I have indeed felt surrounded by love.
How will you connect with your ancestors? If you missed out on the 21-Day Connections Experiment, it’s never too late to begin! Find one way each day to connect with your ancestors, and experience the difference for yourself. It’s powerful!
Hi Alice, I so love reading your blog. You are so thoughtful and inspiring. As I read this blog, I realize as the oldest member of my family and the only one with connections to the past, I need to put words on paper so my family can know who their ancestors are. thanks so much for writing!
Thank you Margie!